Lots of little developments about writing and life and the feral cat experiment, none long enough to merit an entire post. So here’s a rambling update about life right now.

Tomorrow, Lyn of Lazy Lady Life and I are hosting a bloggers’ brunch. If you’re a blogger in the New Orleans area, message me. We would love to have you join us. You don’t have to pay money or anything, but if you make killer muffins or mimosas, uh, we’re not going to say no to that. So far, a lot of awesome women are on board, including Mallory Whitfield, Juliet Meeks, Christy Lorio, Megan Braden Perry, Lianna Patch and Emilie Staat. (Dudes can come, too.)

On the writing front: Torquere/Prizm (the press that’s publishing my novel) has assigned me a new editor. Her name is Keren Reed, and she seems AWESOME. She has a freaking PhD in theoretical linguistics, and I feel her clean, succinct style is a very good match for my own. She’ll send me the first draft for review March 23. Also, I am proud to have two pieces in the April/May 2015 issue of BRIDES. One’s about getting hitched in NOLA (p. 326), and the other is a sidebar about dual-destination honeymoons (p. 316). Still can’t believe I have Conde Nast bylines.

This week has been hectic at Gambit. I keep a lot of plates spinning, and sometimes you don’t know when it’s too much until one of those plates falls. This week, I dropped a plate at work, which ended up setting things behind at the paper and adding to the stress of an already stressful week. The good news is it’s motherfucking PIZZA FRIDAY. 

On the LASIK front: I’ve worn glasses for the last two weeks, because contacts can make your corneas swell up a little. In order to gauge whether I am a candidate for LASIK, my eye doctor needed to see my corneas in their natural, unswollen state. So he confirmed that I am indeed NOT a candidate for LASIK, due to my high myopia, thin corneas and big pupils. I definitely want to move forward with PRK; however, the recovery time is long. I’d need to take a week off work. So I just need to figure out when I could realistically do that and whether I can use sick days.

On the feral cat socialization project: Young Graymund has been with us for about four weeks. He’s become comfortable emerging from his lair, lounging on the rug, grooming, stretching and sleeping in front of us terrifying humans, but he still spends most of his time hidden. He still seems scared when we approach him. He has gotten a little fatter and developed a real fondness for his chow. I’ve never owned a cat before, but I am beginning to understand their charms. The only issue with Young Graymund is he won’t let us touch him. I don’t know if he’ll ever get to this point or how long it will take. Phase two of the socialization project is getting him to the vet for a checkup and spay/neuter, if need be.

Hope everything is well with you all. (This feels weirdly like a family newsletter or something.)

Last month, I argued that you need a press release. Now that I’ve convinced you to cultivate a relationship with the media (I hope!), let’s dig into the nuts and bolts.

The first question you should ask yourself is, “Is this newsworthy?” The answer might be “I don’t know,” and that’s fine. You don’t get to decide what’s newsworthy or not. Editors, producers, journalists — you know, the people who make the news — get to decide. And you’re not inside their heads or privy to their deadlines and editorial needs. Sometimes I get press releases that seem rather ho-hum  — like, one time I got this press release about how a shop had remodeled. At first, I thought, Big whoop! But the press release also went on about how the carpenter had made the doors out of repurposed materials. If I’d been writing a piece on creative reuse, I might have contacted that business owner for an interview.

The point is, even the most trivial events might merit press releases. What makes an event trivial? To me, the triviality or profundity of an event (in other words, its newsworthiness) is measured by the number of people it affects. A remodeled store might only affect the customers who shop there. But if you remodel your store, AND throw a celebration party with free refreshments and booze, AND donate a percentage of that night’s sales to charity? Now that is an event I want to tell people about.

So before you sit down to write your press release, ask yourself, “Have I optimized my event to impact (and ideally, benefit) as many people as possible?” Do whatever it takes to make your answer a YES. Then fire up your trusty laptop. We’re going in.

1. In the subject of the email, summarize your event.

Looking through my inbox, I see the following subject lines: 

“ZukaBaby promotes breastfeeding awareness at grand opening – Jan. 24”

“Whole Foods Market coming to Stirling Properties’ Premier Centre in Mandeville, La.”

“New Orleans Home & Garden Show celebrates 60 years”

See how these subjects are short and to the point? I know exactly what kind of information I’ll get if I open the email.

2. Open with a brief introduction and paste the press release in the body of the email.

You can repeat the event description that you used in your email subject, then include a subhed with a little more detail. For example:

DOLLAR GENERAL RELOCATES TO NEW STORE IN HARVEY, LA

Major discount retailer celebrates relocation with grand opening

Next, write the city and the date, and follow it with a sentence about the event. Include the date, start time and end time. Let’s keep going with the dollar store example:

 GOODLETTSVILLE, Tenn—  Dec 1, 2014 — Dollar General continues to make shopping easier and more convenient for customers in Harvey with the grand opening of its new store at 2101 Lapalco Blvd. this Saturday, Dec. 6 beginning at 8 a.m.

See how masterfully they tell me what, when, where and why?

In the following paragraphs, go into more detail about what will happen at the event. Include a quote or two from yourself or some other honcho at your business. Quotes are great, because busy reporters can plug them into a story without having to call you. End with general information about your business, its purpose and history. The whole thing should not be longer than 350-400 words.

3. I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO OFFER HI RES PHOTOS

If you have hi res photos available on request, say so in the press release, and maybe attach a low res version so the editor can get a sense of the quality. Even better: Host your hi res photos on Flickr and include a link for media people to download them. I love it when businesses can provide their own gorgeous, slick, professional photos, because that means I don’t have to use my budget and time to hire a freelance photographer. Make your media contact’s job EASY, and he or she will be much likelier to cover you. Photos make this possible!

4. THE THREE THINGS YOU MUST INCLUDE!!!!

About 90 percent of press releases fail to include three things:

Business address. Business phone number. Business website.

Ideally, put them all next to each other so I don’t have to dig around. And of course, your own personal contact information in case the media person wants to interview you.

5. LAGNIAPPE

Want extra credit? Write your press release using AP Style. This makes you look like a media pro who knows your stuff.

Last week, my friend (and poet extraordinaire) Jenn Nunes invited me to the fiction workshop class she teaches at Southern University New Orleans. We had an awesome and provocative conversation about writing. But don’t take my word from it! Here are some highlights. 

Maci Craig: I want to write a children’s book. I also like writing urban fiction. Should I change my name? I don’t think anyone is going to want to read a children’s book by someone writing urban fiction.

Me: This question is important, and I see it asked a lot at writing conferences. If you are writing for children as well as an adult, explicit audience, you probably want to keep your personas separate. But keep in mind the danger is you divide your efforts. When you have two different names, you can’t cross-pollinate with the readers from each of these groups. You’re dividing up your efforts against yourself.

Ronnie Surtain: You can’t be Dr. Seuss and be writing Zane books, but if it was me, I wouldn’t change my name. I want to be represented, whether it is a children’s book or a horror book. People are trying to keep up with you. 

Me: I’ve seen so much emphasis on transparency, which is being honest about all these facets of your life that you might otherwise keep hidden. We all have different facets. When you have this fake name, it’s hard, you have this secret and are afraid of it. It takes a lot of courage to [be transparent].

Ronnie Surtain: As a DJ, I can’t promote one name and then come out with something under another name. Under another name, It’s not getting no love. People like what they know. They feel like we’re making some kind of connection. The more they know about you, the more they want to know.

Me: And people expect to know everything about you now, if you’re a writer, which is a public figure.

Jenn Nunes: Can you say why you chose to write about Tao?

Me: I started seeing a therapist here in New Orleans probably four years ago because I was stressed out from work and from my boyfriend, who had a terminal illness that he later died from. Also, the way I thought about things seemed illogical to people. So I talked to her about it for the first time. I looked on the internet for stories by people who had gone through something similar, because I thought it would help me. But I couldn’t find very many. So I thought, “Let me write this, because this is a story I would want to read, and I know a lot of people are in this position.” I wrote it quickly and they accepted it. It was extremely therapeutic, because I had already been in therapy for it, but it was still a secret I had. And when I told that story to such a large audience, it was not a secret at all. That was tremendously liberating.

Lauren Robinson: When you write fiction, do you write for it to be therapeutic or entertaining?

Me: When I’m writing to sell something, like a book to a publisher or an article for a newspaper, I’m always writing to entertain. That doesn’t mean it’s not informed by experiences I’ve had that might have been good or bad. I almost always process things by doing some kind of journaling, but that doesn’t normally make it to the end product. I feel like it is still there and influencing my stuff because it is a part of me. But when I write for other people, I am writing to entertain them or teach them something. Not so much to process something myself. That is something I do only with myself or my therapist and whoever. But this is a good question, because writing is cathartic.

Lauren: It very much is. That’s why I started writing poetry, because it’s easier for me to write it than talk to someone else about it. … I am not a happy writer, even though I’m a very happy person. But all my writing seems to be inspired by upset and anger. 

Me: And poetry, confessional poetry is a thing I don’t know about. So Jenn would be a good one to talk to about that. For you, it might be more cathartic.

Maci: I do the journalistic writing, blogging and fiction, but I hate journalistic writing. I write for newspapers because it’s an extra hustle. 

Me: First, congratulations on wearing so many hats as a writer. That is really important for building your platform. 

Maci: I like blog journalistic writing. I’ll tell you what’s going on, but I want to tell you in my voice and with my opinions. In the newspaper, you can’t take a side. With my school paper, I wrote about Bring Back Our Girls and how everyone just forgot about it. I wrote about Ferguson, and it was really hard writing that article and not taking a side. So I called it Black Lives Matter, and that’s my side. I feel like if I wasn’t at an HBCU (historically black colleges and universities), I wouldn’t be able to take that side, and that is why I don’t like journalistic writing. Because I am going to take my side.

Me: I think you should take your side. Your voice and side are important, and the mainstream press needs to have that. Jarvis DeBerry does a lot of good writing. He would say black lives matter. He says a lot of things that piss white people off. People need to know. They need to hear these voices.

Jovanda Cromwell: Are you ever nervous about how your writing is perceived? I would be nervous. I’m trying to be real, but I’m worried about how it would be perceived.

ME: I am nervous every single time I publish anything. The bigger of a risk I take, the more scared and nervous I am. I almost always feel like everything I write is bad and stupid. Luckily, you don’t have to actually be self-confident to be a writer. You have to feel terrified, but then do the thing anyway. You have to click publish on your website anyway, or email your story to an editor anyway. You just have to do it anyway. 

On Wednesday, Feb. 25, adjunct instructors  will collect their texts and gradebooks, put down their dry erase markers and Walk Out of university classrooms nationwide. The purpose of National Adjunct Walkout Day is to protest the low wages, job insecurity and lack of benefits endemic to this field.

This event is about changing the conversation, San Diego Free Press reports, from “‘why don’t they just get another job?’ to ‘why does a system that claims to value education exploit 75% of its faculty?’”

The obvious answer to the latter question is because they can. Higher education budgets have been slashed in Louisiana and beyond. Departments are being eliminated. Full-time professors are being replaced by fleets of part-time, contract workers who are ineligible for benefits. In short, schools are fucking adjuncts over. But adjuncts have no control over that. They only have control over what they do. So “why don’t they just get another job?” remains a salient question. Adjuncts should Walk Out not just on Feb. 25, but every day thereafter.

I walked out, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

For two of the six years that I taught at the university level, I was an adjunct. I adjuncted in English departments at Delgado Community College in 2009 and Baton Rouge Community College in 2005-2006. I was paid $1,800 a section. My fellow adjuncts, who trundled from campus to campus, warned me that the job was “designed to burn you out.” I wasn’t eligible for health insurance, though I did qualify for the Earned Income Credit on my taxes. One semester at Baton Rouge Community College, my classes were cancelled days before the semester started due to low enrollment, leaving me scrambling for a job. (I found one doing invoicing for a plastic hangtag manufacturer.)

I lived below poverty level. But I was aware that mine was a voluntary poverty, which in itself is a luxury. I had a master’s degree. I could have taught high school. I could have gone into PR. I could have been a copywriter. All those jobs offered a living wage, consistent employment and health insurance.

I didn’t take those jobs because at that point in my career, the time to focus on writing was more valuable than a steady paycheck. I savored the freedom and flexibility adjuncting provided. Adjuncting meant I worked 15-20 hours per week. (I only taught two or three sections, and I became remarkably efficient at planning and grading.) It meant I could cancel class without repurcussion. It gave me summers off (or, if I was teaching summer sections, generous bumpers of free time before and after the semester started.) Perhaps more importantly, it gave me an identity. And credibility. I didn’t have to tell people I was a barista who was endlessly tinkering with a manuscript. I could say, “Hi, I’m an instructor at Local College, and I’m working on a novel.”

In a lot of ways, my adjunct instructor job was an arm-candy boyfriend I could bring to parties to impress people. The trouble was, that boyfriend didn’t actually give a shit about me. Or our future.

When I started thinking hard about my career in academia, the stats foretold a bleak path: budget cuts, tenured professors who weren’t retiring and a market oversaturated with ambitious PhDs freshly minted from better schools than mine. I would almost certainly have to leave New Orleans to find full-time employment, which I wasn’t willing to do. And if I was really honest with myself, I knew I wasn’t adjuncting because my lifelong dream was to become a college professor. My lifelong dream was to become a writer. But that seemed impossible. Being a college instructor was the next best thing, sort of.

Until it wasn’t anymore. So I cut ties.

There was a rough adjustment period similar to what I’d imagine most new college grads face. Then I landed a 9-to-5 job with a salary, benefits and health insurance. The biggest downside: I only get two weeks vacation a year, and I’m jealous of my friends who teach or are in grad school. But I’m happy to have found a path that’s a much better fit for me.

Higher education needs reform. Universities are poorly administrated at best and exploitative at worst. The questions National Adjunct poses are important ones:

Are you asking why, as tuition has risen at unprecedented rates, instruction allocations have gone down?
Are you asking where student fees are going? How much administrators are earning? How much money is being spent on building projects, athletics, and aesthetic upgrades?

I encourage among adjuncts an inner dialogue to complement the public dialogue we’ll have on Wednesday, Feb. 25. Question your presence in academia, question your motives, question why you continue to work for an exploitative institution.

And remember, you are smart and driven and you probably have a master’s degree. You have other options. A whole world of options that people without college degrees do not have.

Walk out. And don’t look back.

Man, I am sore, burned out and suffering from king cake withdrawal right now, but I’ve got to say, Mardi Gras 2015 was the best Mardi Gras yet.

I marched in four parades with the Gris Gris Strut flag corps this year:  Sparta, Druids, Krewe d’Etat and Thoth. Luckily, we didn’t get rained on once.

I absolutely love marching in parades, mostly because they’re exhausting and beautiful in a way that’s like a little microcosm of life itself. I have some pretty deep religious moments during the parades, especially when I’m marching down Canal Street and the wind is whipping proud little tut tut sounds from my flag, and the crowd is going batshit insane because IT’S CARNIVAL which means literally FAREWELL TO THE FLESH which means basically YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE but right now YOU’RE ALIVE and PROBABLY DRUNK.

and all this translates basically to WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

and this expression:

So I did that four times, which was freaking rad. On Saturday, Feb. 14,  I biked with Bryan to our friends’ Zach and Deidre’s house in Mid-City to watch Endymion roll. The whole neighborhood was a block party. Then we biked home and made pizza, ate chocolate and drank wine because it was Valentine’s Day, too, even though everyone sort of forgot about that because ENDYMION.

Sunday, Feb. 15,  I marched in Thoth. At 6.2 miles, it’s the longest parade route. Over the week, I walked/danced more than 50 miles, either getting to parades, marching in the parade or walking home from the parades. After Thoth, 16 of us went to Juan’s Flying Burrito for double margaritas and Mexican food. The awesome waitstaff not only split our bill 16 ways, but also gave us free shots. Thanks for the Samedi Gras love, Juan’s!

Monday I went to work and skipped the parades, because it was cold and rainy and I had to wake up at SIX A.M. on Mardi Gras day. A lot of out-of-towners don’t realize Mardi Gras starts at the crack of dawn. Bryan and I raided the costume wardrobe and arrived at Jenn and Mel’s house, where our hostesses had provided mimosas and whiskey-laced coffee and I forget what other alcohols, along with Marmite-topped pastries. Excellent pre-gaming while we waited to catch St. Anne.

 

 Then we walked to Basin Street to watch Zulu, and BRYAN CAUGHT A COCONUT!!!! 

Then we walked to Canal Street and St. Charles Avenue, running into tons of friends and amazing costumes along the way. My mind is blown when I think about how many people in New Orleans are secretly sewing sequins to bustiers and hot-gluing silk flowers to wigs at any given moment. We watched Rex roll by and listened to a police officer grouse: “Time and a half, brah. It’s the only thing that makes this worthwhile.”

By 2 p.m., we were starving, so we ate greasy pizza at Mardi Gras Zone because Pizza Delicious was closed. We walked home and took naps and then made two more pizzas. (I was really craving pizza), which we devoured while watching The Meeting of the Courts. I fell asleep before Rex met Comus, but whatevs, I got enough scepter action to last me until Mardi Gras 2016, I think.

So that was Mardi Gras! And now I’m super sad it’s over. What did you do for Mardi Gras day?

P.S. I didn’t take a ton of photos, but my neighbor Josh Hailey did, and they are totally worth checking out.

A few months ago, I noticed a young gray cat hanging around the house. He (or she?) spent his days lounging on the porch or deck. Unlike a lot of other neighborhood cats, he didn’t flee at the sight of me. Sometimes I’d bring a book out to the porch and we’d chill together.

In December, Bryan and I started feeding him. We set up a routine: around 6 p.m., we’d put out a food bowl. Gray the Cat (as he came to be called) learned the routine pretty quickly. It was almost like having a pet cat. A pet cat that wouldn’t let you near him.

“Let’s trap him,” Bryan suggested.

So we delved into research: Is it possible to socialize a feral cat? There are a two wildly divergent schools of thought. One says no, it is not possible to socialize a feral cat. Not only is it not possible, it’s harmful to the cat, who is a wild animal with its own territory and community. The most humane practice is to trap, neuter and release the cat– not try to adopt it.

But the other side says it is possible to socialize a feral cat with time, patience and a specific set of practices. Multiple people report socializing multiple cats with great success. 

It would have been easier to go to the shelter to adopt a cat. But Bryan is smitten with Gray the Cat, and I too am susceptible to his charms.  So on Wednesday, when Gray the Cat sauntered in the house expecting his dinner, I closed the door behind him.

Gray the Cat went batshit, jumping from window to (closed) window. Then he settled himself by the door and glared at me. I left to buy food and cat litter. When I returned, he was ensconced in a lair under the couch. For the first 24 hours, that is where he remained. He didn’t come out to eat or pee. (I’m pretty sure he peed under the couch, but you’re not supposed to disturb the lair.)

I trapped Gray on Wednesday. On Thursday night, when I was at flag practice, he emerged to eat and drink. This was a relief: Gray wasn’t on a hunger strike.

On Friday evening, he emerged from his lair while we were making pizza, but very briefly. That night, he shat in the kitchen and pissed on the couch. I’d read that feral cats don’t understand the concept of a litter box, and that it helps to mix dirt, leaves and some of their poop in with the litter so they understand, THIS IS WHERE YOUR CRAP GOES.

I did that and put the litter box on the couch pee-spot, and last night, he shat in the box like a good cat. Today, JUST NOW, he emerged from the lair and had a stroll around the house before retreating. This seems like a big step, because a lot of the cat socialization blogs report that it usually takes a couple weeks for them to feel safe enough to do that.

So, that’s where we stand on the Feral Cat Socialization Experiment. More updates forthcoming.

I have read thousands — probably TENS of thousands — of press releases during my five-plus years as a newspaper editor. I’ve also written and edited press releases, pro bono, for friends and nonprofits. So that should qualify me to dispense this unsolicited advice.

One thing journalists want to know is WHY? I’ll start by telling you WHY you should send out press releases when you are doing something, well, newsworthy, because I’ve noticed a number of organizations ignore traditional news outlets in favor of social media.

Social media is great. I love the internets! I’m on them RIGHT NOW. But the reach of your own personal social media networks is limited. And we know this. It’s why the number-one tip for new bloggers is “Do guest posts! Comment on other blogs!” Other channels reach audiences that yours doesn’t. And so do newspapers and television stations. They are huge, high-traffic outlets just waiting to connect you with new readers, fans, customers, groupies….

So do you HAVE to write a press release targeting newspapers and magazines? No. But why wouldn’t you want to? First, the process of writing a press release clarifies your purpose. It makes you distill your event down to its essence. It requires you to tell your story in a way that’s snappy and memorable. Sounds like a great exercise, even if it results in zero news coverage. Plus, you can always pop your shiny new press release on your website on a page called “Media Info.” That way, it benefits anyone who visits your site.

But what if you don’t want to do all this work without a payoff? I hear you. I know what a time-suck it can be to fire off a thoughtful, personal, thoughtfully crafted pitch only to receive a form rejection (or, more commonly, no response at all).

However. The payoff with press releases is often intangible. The real payoff is this: Now a gatekeeper in the media knows who you are. What you’re doing. And how to get in touch with you. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO KNOW YOU. Even if they just scan your email and press delete, your message will register in some part of their brains. Because it is their JOB to know about people in their area who are doing things related to their beats.

Case study: Last week, me, my publisher and associate publisher sat down to brainstorm for a feature on local style-makers. We threw out the first names that crossed our minds. Plenty of those people had sent me press releases that I hadn’t responded to. But I still read their emails and took note of what was happening. Then in the meeting, I could be all, “Oh, yeah, she’s got a lot going on. New book release, a prominent blog, events… yeah, definitely put HER on the list.”

That is what you want. And that is why you should write a press release.

Of course, if you do a fantastic job, have a great story, impeccable timing and a huge dash of luck, you might actually strike editorial gold and GET FREE PUBLICITY — which obviously is the number-one answer to why you need a press release. More on that jackpot in part two: HOW TO WRITE A PRESS RELEASE

P.S. If you’re in the NOLA area and want free marketing advice from a socially responsible PR agency TODAY (Feb. 5, 2015), hit up HERO Farm‘s Marketing Happy Hour Event from 4 p.m.-6 p.m. at World of Beer (4100 Veterans Memorial Blvd.). These guys are solid. I interviewed them in 2012 for Gambit, when they were honored as one of our 40 under 40 achievers, and endorse them wholeheartedly.

This week,  a number of writers published essays about where their money comes from. This is a really important dialogue. I’ve attended many literary conferences where successful authors sat on one side of the table and us unwashed masses sat on the other, gripping ballpoint pens and dog-eared manuscripts, desperate to know how these famous novelists transmute prose into cash. It’s a task that can seem as impossible as spinning straw into gold.

“Well, I ate a lot of ramen noodles,” one author said, recounting his days slumming it in Manhattan shortly after graduating with a Princeton degree.

OK. Obviously something is missing here.

I think it’s important to talk about class, wealth and income and how these things influence creative output. So in the spirit of continuing the conversation, I’m answering the question of Where My Money Comes From. Here we go…

Ages 18-19: I attend Tulane University majoring in English. A third of my $30,000 tuition is covered by a need-based scholarship. A third is paid by my parents. I pay the last third with student loans and work as a creepy body piercer’s assistant/apprentice during the semester and a country club waitress in the summers before and after that year.

Ages 19-21: My parents can’t afford their third of the Tulane tuition. I transfer to LSU. My parents pay my in-state tuition and living expenses. I live with my grandmother for the bulk of the time, in dorms for one semester and an apartment for another, all funded by my parents. I work full- or part-time for the Marriott hotel, The Civil War Book Review, a rave promoter and a professor.

Age 22-25: I’m off the parental gravy train. I enroll at the University of New Orleans to get an MFA in creative writing. My tuition is waived and I receive a $6,000 yearly stipend in exchange for teaching. I live with my grandmother in Lakeview for most of the time; the rest of the time I live in a tiny Gentilly studio apartment where rent is $390 a month and includes utilities. I work part-time jobs, including at the Times-Picayune‘s packaging center and Pizza Hut. I inherit about $20,000 from my grandmother.  I pay off my student loans, buy a Clavinova keyboard and put the rest into a mutual fund, where it grows into a down payment for my house.

Age 25-28: I’m accepted into LSU’s Comparative Literature PhD program. I don’t have funding my first year, so my parents pay my tuition and I teach two sections at Baton Rouge Community College, where I’m paid $1,800 a class. My rent is only $200, again, thanks to my parents, who give me discounted rent in an apartment they’ve procured for my sister. My parents pay for my health insurance. For my second and third year, I get a teaching assistantship that pays $11,000 per year, and I move into graduate student housing, where my rent is $250 a month and includes utilities. I work part-time at a coffee shop.

Ages 28-29: I drop out of the PhD program and move into a Marigny house with four roommates. My rent is $375. I work a ton of odd jobs, intern at Gambit, then get freelance assignments from Gambit (15 cents per word), teach two sections at Delgado Community College ($1,800 each) in the fall, and win the lottery by scoring a full-time editor position at Gambit.

Ages 29-present: I’m employed full-time at Gambit and write my debut novel during downtime. After five years as an editor, my salary is $40,518. I also earn about $8,000 annually from freelance gigs. And I made $6,000 last year by AirBnbing my house. 

Looking over my history, I see my many advantages. The greatest advantage was a family who paid for me to get a college degree from a public university. I was also lucky to get funding from universities for my graduate degree. I won the intern lottery when I got this full-time position at Gambit. I’m sure not smarter or more talented than anyone else who interns here. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

I am able-bodied, white, heterosexual and cisgender, with all the privileges these statuses confer. I am unmarried and have no children. Not having a family to support made it easy for me to prioritize my education and choose low-paying, flexible jobs (before I came to Gambit, the most I made was $16,000 a year) for most of my twenties. I was able to trade money for time, during which I refined my craft. I am grateful now to make a good living as a writer. Developing the skill set to do that took more than a decade of family support, trade-offs and dumb luck.

To quote the Salon piece: “OK, there’s mine. Now show me yours.”

The 30-day NO BOOZE! experiment wrapped up earlier this month. From Dec. 15 to January 15, I didn’t drink … except for two slips, one of which was New Years’ Eve. I’m still counting the experiment a success.

One economic justification for why drugs are illegal is they make you less productive, according to my boyfriend Bryan, who is working on a PhD in economics at LSU. He thinks that justification is kind of bullshit. But he does agree drugs and excessive drinking make one less productive.

When Bryan suggested the 30-day dry period, I was not at all thrilled by the idea. It seemed pointless. I was a moderate drinker (according to my standards, not actual health guidelines) with a full-time job and plenty of side hustles. If I wanted to drink for a couple hours each evening, how was that a waste of time? It’s not like I would have been doing anything productive anyway.

Turns out this was wrong. I can measure the effect of the NO BOOZE! month by weight lost (about three pounds) or money saved (about $100), but the most unexpected and dramatic change has been in… my social media metrics.

When I stopped drinking in the evening, I had a lot of time on my hands. I channeled that energy into this blog. The results speak for themselves.

Here’s a graph of daily visitors to this site. Note that I was flat-lined when the experiment started.

 

Here’s my Klout score, which increased from 59.43 to 63.56. In Klout world (which measures the impact of your social media usage), that’s quite a lot.

I thought it was interesting that my blogging and social media usage demonstrated such dramatic improvements, because it’s a really tangible way to show one of the things that changed when I quit drinking.

On a more personal level, I came to the conclusion that I was drinking more than was good for me, that it was affecting my health, productivity, and to some extent, my human interactions. It doesn’t feel good to realize that.

I have a long and tumultuous history with substance abuse and recovery which I don’t feel inclined to delve into now. But one thing I never struggled with was alcohol. I see now how insidious drinking problems can be.

I am back off the wagon, but I am sticking to the recommended seven drinks or fewer per week.

Cheers to moderation!

If you read my 35 in year 35 post, you know getting LASIK eye surgery is one of this year’s goals. So I pumped up my Flexible Spending Account and made the LASIK work-up appointment. See you later, saline solution. Sayonara, toric lenses. Let’s DO this.

At the appointment, the receptionist gave me a thick packet of information, which was good to have, because the doctor was late. He proceeded to examine my eyes. It was pretty much a normal eye exam: a lot of chart reading, a lot of “Is this better? Or worse? Better? What about now?” Then he put in some drops and checked my eyeball pressure and pupil size. Last, he measured my corneas’ thickness.

“Hmm,” he said, looking concerned. “I’m going to call the surgeon.”

I have high-degree myopia and astigmatism. My right eye is -9 and lefty is -7.5. I started glasses when I was six, and switched to contacts at 11, because I have no peripheral vision with glasses. Also, my eyes appear very tiny and unpretty behind thick curving walls of prescription glass.

I don’t MIND contacts, but they can be a pain in the ass. If I ever decide to do cross-country ultralight bike touring or escape from a house burglar in the night, it would be nice to be able to see. My poor vision is almost a part of my identity, but recently I had the realization that it doesn’t have to be. It’s not even that expensive to change. A couple grand. Far less than the cost of 10 years of contacts. And how great would it be to be able to see when I wake up in the morning?

After being on hold for a few minutes, the doctor dropped the news. “You’re not a candidate for LASIK. Your corneas are too thin.”

However, he said, I might be a candidate for PRK, the brutal older brother to LASIK. Where LASIK makes a neat flap in the cornea, PRK removes it completely, using a “blunt instrument.” The surgery is more painful and has a longer recovery time (two weeks as opposed to a couple days). On the plus side, it’s the same price as LASIK ($799 per eye) and some people say its results are better.

I don’t know if I WANT to cut my corneas off with a blunt instrument. I want to be able to see without contacts. But AT WHAT PRICE?