Archives for September 2015

I used to avoid befriending New Orleans transplants, because loving them is a dangerous game. Their AmeriCorps stints end or they get accepted to grad school or they have a kid and decide to move someplace with good public schools… and I’m alone, so alone with my fellow Louisiana natives, bitching in dive bars over bloody marys at noon about how much transplants suck. 

Yeah, sorry about that. Y’all don’t suck. New Orleans is a port city and as such has always been defined by its travelers. We need you; we welcome you and we miss you when you’re gone. Having said that, here are some ways to make your departure sting a little less.

Don’t make a big scene about how you’re leaving because the city has changed, the crime has gotten worse, you don’t feel safe or whatever. I remember one friend of mine proclaimed, “New Orleans is over!” after his favorite squat got converted into swanky loft apartments. But having observed this city for close to four decades, I can say it hasn’t changed all that much, except for in 2005, when 80 percent of it flooded. And even then it got pretty much back to business as usual within a few years, high murder rate, corrupt politicians, Saints fervor and all. We go through phases of our life, and your new phase may necessitate a different city, and that’s fine. Just don’t bash New Orleans because you’re ready to move on. Because truthfully? It’s really not us. It’s you.

Don’t write personal essays that compare New Orleans to a woman you fell in love with but must leave. If you do, please keep them to yourself.

Open your new home to friends when they need to evacuate. Having lived here, you know it’s a question of when, not if, you’ll have to pack up and leave all your worldly possessions at the mercy of a hurricane. So tell your NOLA friends that when the next Big One comes, they have a place to stay. That should guarantee you a spot to crash for Jazz Fest.

Give away your stuff. Unload your valuables on Craigslist or Buffalo Exchange first (moving is pricey and I get that you need the $$$), but then, if you want to be super sweet, donate unwanted stuff to Goodwill, put it out on a free table for neighbors to pick up, or share it with  friends. My neighbor Adriane Quinlan gave me first dibs of her unwanted clothes, and I am now proud owner of a vintage Icelandic stewardess dress. 

Tell your friends your apartment is opening up, but also list it on Craigslist. If you have a good spot with affordable rent, you’ll definitely want to hook your friends up. But you should also make it available to the general public via Craigslist, a cardboard FOR RENT sign outside or some other outlet. It’s not always easy to find affordable housing, and New Orleans has more than enough nepotism. This is one small way to change that.

Visit. Come back to New Orleans whenever you can–if that’s just Mardi Gras and Jazz Fest, great. But it would be even greater if you could come more often than that and maybe during times of the year that aren’t insane. That being said, we really don’t care when you come back. We just want to see you.

Become a truth-speaking evangelist for New Orleans. It staggers me how many misconceptions are out there about New Orleans. If you hear people talking smack about its citizens, Katrina response or anything else, please gently set them straight. Remind them of the challenges its citizens face, such as living in the world’s prison capital. Please also let the world know about the double-whammy impact of climate change and a rapidly disappearing coastline.

Continue to support Louisiana businesses. Order king cake, Community Coffee and Zapp’s, and ask your grocery store to stock Tony Chachere’s if they don’t already. You’ll do NOLA a solid and make your kitchen a vastly more delicious place.

Move back to New Orleans. Sometimes, New Orleans ruins you for life anywhere else. I personally find it impossible to be content in a city without Mardi Gras. Don’t fight these feelings. Just move back! I promise you, the city will welcome you with open arms. It will be like you never left… because many of your friends never did.

 

Dedicated to Jenn Nunes, Sophie Lucido Johnson, Jeanie Riess, Adriane Quinlan, Andrew Marzoni and Abe Kinkopf, all of whom recently bid the Crescent City adieu.

Last month, Bryan achieved his goal of visiting every state (except Ohio, because he hates it). Hawaii was the last state he visited, for obvious reasons: it’s far away and expensive to visit. HOWEVER. It’s not as expensive as you might think. Bryan and I spent less than $600 each on our weeklong trip, and if we had planned better, we could have done Hawaii on even less. Here’s how.

1. We opened AAdvantage Mastercards when they offered 40,000 free miles as an incentive. (The cards are still available, but now they’re offering only 30,000 miles.) Because we used bonus miles for our tickets, we only spent $14 for the flight and $90 to pay the card’s annual fee. Granted, these were red-eye flights with two connections, and finding dates that worked with my vacation time and weren’t blacked out was like some weird Rubik’s cube puzzle, but you can’t beat an almost-free ticket. Flight cost: $104 each

2. We booked a hotel in Honolulu ($150 via Hotwire) for our first night on Oahu. We arrived in Honolulu at 6 a.m. and took the number 52 bus to get from the airport to downtown. Then we asked for a transfer to the 54 bus and took it along the coastline of Oahu, ending in at the North Shore, a cute spot with shops, restaurants and a wine store.  This bus line is basically a scenic tour of Oahu for the price of a fare, and we could have stopped and checked out any number of beaches and parks along the route if we hadn’t been bone tired. The bus trip to the North Shore was a little over two hours each way. By the time we’d eaten breakfast, taken the bus and gotten coffee, it was time to check in to the hotel and SLEEP. Cost $2.50 in bus fares. That night, we went to a cheesy hotel bar on the beach (Mai Tai, $12) with all the tiki torch and lei action. Hotel, bus fare and hotel drink: $89.50 each

3. The next afternoon, we flew to Maui on Hawaiian Airlines. If we could do it again, we might fly directly to Maui to save that expense. However, I’m still glad we got to see Honolulu. We bought these plane tickets last-minute (a few days ahead of time) and paid $196 each. 

4. In Maui we picked up our rental car, which we had booked through Hotwire. Car cost: $150 for five days, or $75 per person. You DEFINITELY need a car for getting around Maui, but we could have done with just public transportation in Honolulu.

5. We drove to the nearby Costco for food and a box of wine. People say Hawaii is expensive, and I did find it marginally pricier than New Orleans (but the sales tax is far lower). However, Costco prices are the same at all their stores. We bought peanut butter, pita bread, a couple dozen apples, individually wrapped cheeses, a vat of hummus and a box of wine—plus other sundries—for $70 ($35 per person).

6. We drove the Road to Hana—52.8 miles of winding, terrifying, beautiful mountain roads with scenic overlooks and waterfalls galore—to arrive at Waianapanapa State Park. Definitely camp there if you like deserted black sand beaches and functional restrooms and showers. Book through the government website (be sure to do so well in advance) and print the permit out. Make sure to attach the permit to your tent, because rangers are diligent about checking. (They were less diligent about other things, like enforcing the no-booze rule.) Camping cost: $90 for five nights, or $45 each

7. We spent the next five days swimming, hiking, charging our cell phones at a beachside community center that that called itself a bakery/coffee shop but was nothing of the sort, exploring the lava tubes, caves, trails and red sand beaches. Maui’s best cuisine comes from roadside fruit stands and food trucks. We especially loved The Surfin’ Burro ($6 for a generously sized fish taco). We stopped by the Garden of Eden Botanical Center ($15 admission), and it was well worth it. Food & sundries: $33

Those were all our major expenses. We could have done Hawaii for a lot cheaper, for around $300 each, if we’d flown directly to Maui, camped every night instead of getting a hotel and eaten just Costco grub.  Also, full disclosure, the last night we didn’t camp; instead we stayed in a surreal, gently decayed but sweet 1960s era hotel in Maui (price $75 for the night, total, or $37.50 each) that was closer to the airport and farther from the terrifying mountain death road. I’m glad we spent the money we did, though. It was awesome.